Emotions are tied to all aspects of our lives and live in all we do. This guide helps you to identify, assess, and use
five competencies that are linked to Emotional Intelligence. The five competencies in Emotional Intelligence must
start with you. If you are not self-aware and purposefully using the competencies with and on yourself first, then it
is highly unlikely you will be effective with others. In the Emotional Intelligence Decision sheet, you will become
aware and assess the Competencies of Emotional Intelligence. The five Competencies are: Identify, Understand, Express, Control and Use.
Step 1: Recall a situation in which your emotions ran high.
Allow yourself to really feel, be real, raw and vulnerable with no judgement about wrong or right. Complete the
Situation box identifying specifically who, what when, where and why.
Step 2: Complete the five Competencies using the formula below to guide your answers.
1. Identify-What am/was I feeling
2. Understand-Why or How come I am/was feeling this way
3. Express-What do I need to do to express my emotions properly? (**The key here is that your need cannot
come from others or anything external. For example, I need Joe to apologize. I need a drink. It must be
internal you are giving it to you).
4. Control-What is healthiest, safest, easiest way to get my need/s meet?
5. Use- Do I purposefully use the above competencies and formula with myself and/or others as I establish
priorities, make decision, effectively communicate or resolve conflict?
Step 3: Write down the above five Competencies with the formula or take it with you.
Pick a place/s to keep the Competencies and formula so it can be readily available for you to use or reference.
Step 4: Use the five Competencies with yourself daily and then move into using them with others
and pay attention to how Emotional Intelligence helps to Establish Strong Self Awareness.
Download the decision sheet